It's an obsessive depressive, neurotic neurosis. An exaggerated fixation or an insane psychosis. It's a manic conclusion to a demented allusion, a thriving madness with conclusive sadness. An impractical sentiment to an irrational predicament based on a differentia looked at with my new found dementia. A senseless reaction for reckless satisfaction. It's a distasteful solution to an unfathomable craze. It's a complex addiction to a current passing phase. It's a bizarre twisted picture caused by an unreasonable mixture of a gnawing sense of hate and an obsession with ones weight. And by the time you want to end, it will already be too late. It's the caffeine, the nicotine, the milligrams of tar. It's my habitat, it needs to be cleaned, it's my car. It's the fast talk they use to abuse and feed my brain. It's the cat box, it needs to be changed, it's the pain. It's women, it's the plight for power, it's government. It's the way you're giving knowledge slow with thought control and subtle hints. It's rubbing it, it's itching it, it's applying cream. It's the foreigners sight seeing with high beams, it's in my dreams. It's the monsters that I conjure, it's the marijuana. It's embarrassment, displacement, it's where I wander. It's my genre, it's videos. It's game shows, cheap liquor, blunts and bumper stickers with rainbows. It's angels, demons, gods, it's the white devils. It's the monitors, the sound man, it's the fucking mic levels. It's gas fumes, fast food, tommy hil' and mommy's pill. Columbia house music club, designer drugs and rhyming thugs. It's bloods, crips, gives, six. It's stick up kids, it's Christian conservative terrorists, it's porno flicks. It's the east coast no, it's the west coast. It's public schools, it's asbestos. It's mentholated, it's techno, it's sleep, life and death. It's speed, coke and meth. It's hay fever, pain relievers, oral sex and smokers breath. It streches for as far as the eye can see. It's reality. Fuck it, it's everything but me.

As for being patient with fate and all, it's getting old. And my mind is slowly changing. I'm calling all my oldest friends, saying sorry for the mess we're in. And I'm waiting, waiting for the sun to come and melt this snow, wash away all of the shit and give me back control. Everyone has a certain part of their lives where they truly wish they could just freeze time. Whether it was three years ago, today or still to come. Whether it was just a moment, a whole day or a whole summer. Everyone has a time in their life when they wish everything would just stop. The world would stop turning and people would stop changing. Because to them, at that time, everything was perfect.

As you're reading this, you're life's getting shorter. It's ticking away. I'm not saying this to frighten you or even scare you, though it may. I'm saying this to awaken you. To inspire you. To rise you out of your deep slumber. To really know you wont live forever.

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